I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
