2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
