Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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