How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
