He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
