I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
