My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
