mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
