He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
