Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
