so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
