Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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