I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
