Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
