Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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