My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
