I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
