how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
