One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
