genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
