yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
