How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
