if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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