I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
