Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
