I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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