she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
