why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
