i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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