Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
