nut hugger
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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