Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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