YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
