she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
