there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
