I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
