Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
