i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
