am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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