I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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