Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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