We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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