Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
