i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
