It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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