piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
