wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
