i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
