based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
