In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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